Communication is a lifelong skill. I define communication as “mutual understanding”. In seeking to reach mutual understanding about all the facets of your day to day life; planning for when, where and how to communicate what you decide is an important facet of the planning process.
Setting aside some time to get clear with ourselves, our wishes and our plans helps to define specifically what we want to say/share and with whom.
Effective two-way communication is a dialogue. When there is a high level of trust between the parties, intent is discussed (communicated) and heard more easily than not. I was introduced to a communication model which may be helpful. This model suggests whenever we communicate, we are telling a story. It goes on to point out that when we tell the story, there are four main components in a story: Facts; Judgments/Opinions/Beliefs; Wants and Feelings. I find it helpful to listen for these components in any conversation.
Something else to consider is that various roles may be taken by family members throughout our lives. Individual viewpoints may be impacted by the roles. In life we have roles we either assign to ourselves or are given by others. Be aware of the default “patterns” between individuals and for yourself. During emotional times, stress can reap havoc on the best made plans.
It is helpful to have the end goal in sight as you begin communication. Know your skills and seek help when needed. Objectively reflect upon what level of trust exists between you and each of the people involved and what their trust levels are with each other. This insight allows for problem-solving to be more effective within the parties or by an intermediary if necessary.
Communication of your wishes about every area of your life is a vital component to this entire process. Some find it desirable to write their wishes, others to record them on an audio or video. Some prefer a third party to be the communication bridge for their wishes/estate. This is your choice. I have set a goal for myself that when the time comes for someone to step into my shoes for any transition; I wish to minimize disruption of the “status quo”, allowing daily life to continue during an emotional time for all who remain.
I include a link here from a news segment by Diane Sawyer of ABC News featured June 9, 2014. I include this as a real life example of family communication.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1r0Xbh0UVo
The Living Planner provides resources for you to evaluate your plans in specific areas of your life. If you desire assistance with this, contact me anytime. Lynn@thelivingplanner.com
May you live life fully, Lynn